Feels Like Any Other Break-Up

Today we said good-bye to Z's school. At first we had planned to leave him in public school through 6th grade. Then we moved it to completing 5th grade. February 10 was his last "unofficial" day of public school.


Having two kids on two different schedules was not working for our family. Homeschool day was done by noon, sometimes 1 p.m. It would have been great to head out and do something fun or do life or whatever, but we couldn't really start anything because we had to be back by school dismissal. We weren't fully living the homeschool lifestyle, but we knew we'd be leaving the public school system. You can't ride two horses with one ass. It was decision time.


The end came honestly. He was sick on Monday and still a bit puny on Tuesday. Z was getting a bit weepy thinking about leaving school. Not because he wanted to be there, but because of the *anticipation* of the change. Well, that was an easy fix. We ripped off the band-aid, so to speak, and withdrew him. Daddy did take him to say good-bye to his teacher (we love her so much and were very sad to leave her class) and clean out his desk. Z was still a little teary Thursday, but by the end of the day he wanted to know what kinds of lessons he'd be learning.


Kids are so resilient. Adults not so much.


The song that keeps running through my mind is Reba McIntyre's "Falling Out of Love". That, along with Adele's "Rolling In The Deep", is one of the best moving-on songs of all time. The hook of "Falling Out of Love" that I relate to is "finding out that nothing feels as good as letting go". I wept in the shower so the kiddos couldn't hear me for a good long while. I set the tone for how we process this new adventure. I want them to be excited, but I am scared shitless. Yes, I said it. I. Am. Scared. I know second guessing is natural, but I feel so responsible. It's a heavy burden.


So I'm owning the feeling that I'm scared, but don't mistake my anxiety for regret. This IS the right decision for our family. Homeschooling works for us. I know it's not a choice others would make. That's okay. I know that as soon as this initial angst has passed we will be just fine.